Productivity Meeting

INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE - DAY

MR. LUCAS, the CEO, is having a conversation with STEPHEN MONTGOMERY HAMMERSMITH, the manager.

LUCAS
Thanks for coming in, Stephen.

STEPHEN
My pleasure.

LUCAS
I just wanted to touch base with you, see how things were going.

STEPHEN
Everything’s great.

LUCAS
Great! I wanted you to know that we all think you’re doing a great job.

STEPHEN
Thank you.

LUCAS
I also wanted to let you know that we’re going to be increasing the workload by fifteen percent while keeping staffing levels the same.

STEPHEN
Oh okay. Thanks for the heads up. I don’t know what you’re going to do with that extra fifteen of work that’s being left undone. That’s going to hit the profit margin pretty severely I would think.

LUCAS
Oh...well...sorry if there was any confusion. We will be increasing the workload by fifteen percent but the expectation is that you and your crew will be able to complete all of it.

STEPHEN
Pfft, duh, sorry, I’m an idiot. Yeah, I was a little confused. That’s fine, though. I look forward to our pay raises!

LUCAS
No, um--

STEPHEN
Actually, in lieu of a pay raise could I upgrade my health plan? I’ve got this UTI that’s burning like it’s herpes. Actually, it might even be herpes. Either way, I’d rather not pay for that visit. I’m paying enough in shame, amirite?

LUCAS
To be clear, there will be no increase in pay or benefits. We will increase your workload by fifteen percent starting immediately. If you cannot step up as the leader of the warehouse and get it done, we will be forced to reevaluate whether you are the right fit for your position.

Stephen sighs and furrows his brow. Then he grimaces and shifts in his chair.

STEPHEN
Yeah, it’s definitely herpes.

LUCAS
I would see a doctor about that.