E-mail

From: Stephen Montgomery Hammersmith
To: Chris Kim
Subject: Interview

Dear Mr. Kim,

Thank you for your interest but, unfortunately, we are unable to offer you a position at this time. You kind of weirded us out. You weren't like axe-murderer-weird but, y'know, a little more sustained eye contact wouldn't have killed you. I hope this isn't what pushes you over the edge, though. That would be teeeerible. For me, specifically. Again, I'm not saying you're necessarily capable of murder but I could see you maybe working me over with a hammer. Have you ever seen Oldboy? Wait, is that racist? It's hard to tell nowadays, isn't it? Well, to make a long story short: REJECTION! Ha! I was hearing the NBA Jam announcer voice in my head just now. Man, what a fucking game. For real.

Professionally/sincerely yours,
Stephen Montgomery Hammersmith

PS: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!
PPS: Please sign and return the attached document that clarifies that I am not currently a racist.