Saturday, July 23, 2011


Season One is done.  There will be a brief hiatus before Season Two begins.

I am still unemployed. I feel that I am about to cross that bridge into not-funny-anymore territory very soon.  Don't misunderstand.  I am working a lot.  I have several projects in the works, all of which are exciting and new and almost cripplingly ambitious.   Also, one of my scripts made it into the second round of consideration for the Sundance Screenwriters' Lab.  The deadline to send in my final draft is very soon so I've been working diligently on my rewrite.  (Now I get to say that I have the near-approval of Sundance.  Or, more succintly, "SUNDANCE, MOTHERFUCKER.")

To top it all off, I'm moving to a new apartment at the end of the month.

The Captive Man has been good for me.  It keeps me busy, for one thing, but it also allows me to practice and grow.  Here are a couple of things I've learned:

1.  The best method for applying peanut butter to your dog's balls is to use the back side of the spoon - the convex side.  This allows for a smooth peanut-butter-to-scrotum transfer.

2.  I love writing.  Truthfully, I've always known this about myself but I suppose now I've learned to extract joy from it.  To paraphrase Bradley Whitford, in my everyday life I feel like I'm swimming against the current, when I'm writing I feel like I'm surfing.

We'll be back soon!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Master Race

The Captive Man - Episode 13: Master Race from Christopher Kim on Vimeo.

Dog breeders baffle me.  Their customers baffle me.  And any time people talk about purity when it comes to bloodlines, my face reflexively transforms into a disapproving glare.

I adopted Keaton from the Austin Humane Society.  I knew he was the one pretty much right away.  When I stuck my hand in the slot at the bottom of the cage, he laid down and pressed his back into it so that I could more easily pet him.

I cannot imagine that a purebred dog could provide me with anymore warmth or love.  I certainly would not pay thousands of dollars to a breeder to find out.

There are so many dogs out there worthy of our love.  They are crowding our shelters.  Don't be stupid.  If you're looking for a pet, adopt from your local shelter.

Now then.  Holocaust jokes for everyone!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

For MacMillan's Consideration

This could've been an angry blog post, you know.  Because wouldn't any self-respecting writer be horrified that such a thing as MacMillan Readers exist?  

MacMillan Readers, in case you're unaware, are "retellings" of great works of literature.  They use "simplified" language.  (I'm sorry I'm using so many quotation marks.  It's a defense mechanism.)  As if a novel or a play were nothing but its plot.  This is the equivalent of taking a sumptuous five-course meal, boiling down all its nutritional content into a pill, and expecting us not to care about the difference.

Language has a profound effect on the very way we think.  You know where I learned that?  A book called 1984 in which the evil powers-that-be rewrite all literature in a new language called "Newspeak," which strives to simplify the English language to the most basic phrases and words.  Why?  To limit the thoughts of its citizens so they can be more easily controlled.  It should be noted that 1984 is conspicuously unavailable as a MacMillan Reader.

But I'm a realist.  This is the way the world works.  When we feel that we're struggling to meet a certain standard, we simply lower it.  What I mean to say is: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Therefore, I am proposing that MacMillan no longer limit themselves to literature.  I would like to be at the forefront of this expansion.  Our students need us to lower standards in every subject.  After all, how else will they learn?

For MacMillan's consideration: